The Snowman


Portrayed by Jake Brannon

Created Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Officialized Saturday, January 21, 2017



This is the face of a man who has been stuck in the depression stage of the Cycle of Grief.

The Snowman has seen things that no man should ever be subjected to.

The Snowman and Eskimo Jesus get together every weekend to play card games. The Snowman correctly suspects that Eskimo Jesus cheats by using his godly powers to see the Snowman's cards. EJ has also made the Snowman immortal, much to the Snowman's dismay.

He is so poor he goes to KFC and licks other people's fingers. He is so poor that he goes to KFC and licks other people's fingers. He is so poor that he chases the garbage truck with a shopping list. He is so poor that-well, you get the jist.

Oddly enough, the Snowman is upbeat and happy during the Christmas season. He loves to hear the laughter of happy children. But from Boxing Day until Black Friday, he couldn't be bothered. During those days, he wanders the street, listening for children's screams to fuel his sadness. He is a seriously disturbed Snowman.

The Snowman has lived a long life, and thanks to Eskimo Jesus, he is immortal. This is terrible for the Snowman, because this means he will never be able to have what he's been yearning for since 10,000 BC: the sweet release of death. All he can do is wander these lonely roads at night, listening to Simon and Garfunkel's The Sounds of Silence.

Favorite Song

The Story

The Snowman was constructed by Sean Crain in his grandmother's yard on February 3, 2010. This means that the Snowman is the oldest Nosiphus asset in existence other than some unused brand names.

The Snowman was rediscovered on January 20, 2017, when Sean and the newly-joined Jake Brannon were viewing some of Sean's old Facebook photos. They came across 8-year-old Sean standing behind the snowman. The appearance of the Snowman's face looked very neutral, like it had seen something that no one should ever have to see.

The Snowman Is Born

Wednesday, February 3, 2010